My Beloved Wife
by Khismet
Summary: One Shot. When Bella ingests a drug letting her experience life as a vampire, she wants even more to be changed. Edward makes his decision, but won't carry it out in a small freezing shower.


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I only like to take the ideas out and play with them once in a while.

This story was inspired by Natalie Merchant's _Beloved Wife, _and a Moonlight episode.

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His arms wrapped around her as they stood both fully clothed under the steady stream of freezing water. He held her tight against the wall of the shower stall barely large enough for two. His arms crossed her chest binding her tightly to him leaving no space between her back and his chest. She begged him to change her, begging him to make her like him, a vampire. She had taken something that someone had promised would let her experience life as a vampire. Since they had all refused her request she had become more desperate pursuing the transition with a single mindedness that belied her position in the family.

"Change me!" She plead as she had been doing for the past half hour. Frustration caused her tears to mix with the cool water raining down on them.

"Shh love, I can't…I won't, not now."

"Not ever." She spat, but continued writhing in his arms.

A newly made vampire or apparently even one on this drug felt things with an even more heightened sense than normal vampires did. And even that was one hundred times more than humans could. Meaning our attraction, love and her passion was magnified, causing a physical expression of the feelings that were too strong to be contained in a body unused to such enhanced emotions and senses.

I had hoped that my cold skin along with the cold water and my containing but loving embrace might nullify the effects faster. I just knew that her experiencing these effects or perks of the vampire life without the more depressing ones would lead her to want the change even more fervently.

She turned her heard, laying her cheek against my shoulder and looked up at me beseechingly. Under normal circumstances that glance would have gained her everything she wanted. On this topic, I would not budge.

I had begun to rethink my decision to never change her.

The epiphany had come a few weeks ago when I had been changing CD's in the Volvo while driving. The radio had come on as a result of some button being pushed on the remote that had fallen between the seats on a bump. I heard a few words and kept listening. It turns out the song was "Beloved Wife" by Natalie Merchant. The lyrics really struck me, especially the last part.

_For fifty years, simply my beloved wife.  
__Would it be wrong?  
__If I should surrender all the joy in my life  
__Go with her tonight  
__For fifty years, simply my beloved wife.  
__With another love, I'll never lie again._

I realized in that moment that Bella would likely live to see the humans she loved die anyways. Her family was long lived as it was. That would only be made worse by her own guilt and fears. The same I have-that I will go on without her. I held in my hands, the ability to keep her a part of a family that loved her, and would for an immeasurable amount of time. I held no illusions that she would be perfectly happy, but would it be so bad? I could give her happiness, even with an eternity we could find or create things to keep our interest and make our own happiness.

I had begun to fully believe in our love, and that we had the enduring kind that Alice had with Jasper or Emmett with Rose and Carlisle with Esme. Of course with Alice still seeing Bella as a vampire and almost everyone agreeing they would love to have her as a part of the family it was always on my mind.

Now I knew she would pursue this idea until she reached her goal whether or not I helped her. It scared me really. I knew at least she _should_ be safe were one of my family to change her. If things got out of hand Carlisle would be able to stop me, and care for her during the transition.

I can't say the same were someone not of my family's diet to change her. I was nervous Bella's persistence might lead her to be less cautions about who 'helped' her achieve her goal.

I would change her myself soon, but I would not do it now. Not at this moment in a freezing cold shower, with her on some drug.

I wanted her to know exactly what decisions she made and what was going on when the transition began. As much as I wished I could spare her the pain I wanted it to be her decision, while she knew exactly what she was doing. Which is what lead to me standing in the midst of a steady stream of likely freezing water holding the love of my existence tightly to my chest denying her request.

"Please?"

"No love, Bella, no." I whispered into her ear. I tried to keep up a steady stream of words denying her but soothing her and reminding her of my love for her.

She shook her head violently and tried again to break out of my grasp to turn and look at me. If she did that I might be lost. It was a good thing this drug didn't afford her the strength of a newborn vampire. I was unsure how much longer I could stay strong against her pleading.

"Soon Bella, but not tonight. I will change you soon."

I had hoped to tell her of my willingness and readiness to change her in a better setting than a shower. But things were what they were and fate loves to play with vampires as much as it loves to play with humans.

She stopped struggling and pleading completely almost instantly.

"I love you, Edward."

I t had now been over an hour since we had gotten in the shower, roughly three since she had ingested the drug. I could see some of the madness seep out of her eyes and my Bella seep back in.

I chuckled "As I love you. Soon." I promised her.

I reached around her leaving her standing and turned the water off. Stepping out I grabbed a large towel and wrapped it around her. Afterwards I lifted her up and carried her to my room and lay down with her on my bed keeping her wrapped in the towel.

After another hour of laying together soaking in each others company I stood walking to my closet. I brought back clothes for her. Yes, Alice had stashed clothes for Bella in my closet. I changed into my own clothes while in the closet.

"Love, I brought you clothes. I'll go get you food, while you change." I told her quietly watching her brown eyes flutter open again. Sure I could stand clothed in a shower with her for over an hour but I still wasn't ready to see her change clothes.

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Comments and reviews are appreciated. Thank you humbly for reading.


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